And so it begins....

I never thought I would be one of "those" people. The person that puts all the dirty details of their weight loss battle on the world wide web.

But after needing some way of keeping myself accountable and admitting to myself just how *GASP* helpful reading those same blogs have been...well I have been swayed.

So here I am....all 318.2 lbs of me... Oh good grief that can't be right....oh holy hannah, it is.

318 pounds....how did I get here.

Hmmm...let me see. Not being in the Army anymore, 8 pregnancies, a love of soda and all things generally not good for me, a long bout of depression, laziness (who said that) and just not exercising. Not taking care of myself like I should have been doing all along, especially having 5 little ones to look after and to be there for. Sitting instead of moving. Eating things that should have never been bought and making excuses for not exercising (to tired or to busy). At the time they all seemed like good reasons....then days turned into weeks and weeks into years. Now here I am, almost twice the size I was, just 10 years before.

I have been on this downward spiral since 2001, with our 1st & 2nd miscarriage and getting out of the Army. I let depression and heartache start this journey. I let those be the first of many reasons to let myself go. I then used the usual excuse of new parents....I don't have the time.

Being a military spouse and mother to five...well busy isn't a word we casually throw around. But all the same, I should have taken time out to take care of myself. To make sure that this body is well enough to play with my children, make love to my husband uninhibited and just generally be happy in. I didn't...I put everyone else's well being before my own. No one asked me to get this way. I did it by being apathetic about my health.

I was making all the long term plans and not looking at the cold hard facts.

I am down a path and it is filled with a myriad of health problems. Heart problems, joint pain and deterioration , cancer, diabetes , high blood pressure and so many more. I have been lucky this far...I have none of the listed above...for now.

So this is me...taking a long look in the mirror and being horrified at what I have done to myself. Being disappointed in the example I am setting for my children and looking eagerly to the day when they have a better one from me. Being the wife my husband deserves in all ways....the woman he married. And enjoying clothes shopping, not wanting to hide, ashamed of the number on the tag.

So where to begin on this road back to a healthier me. One step at a time. I will do measurements later on today. I may even bite the bullet and ask my wonderful husband to help me in doing those.

But for now, I hear my 5 month old taskmaster......